Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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