I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
