Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
