hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
