also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
