"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
