My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
