Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
