I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
a search helicopter?!
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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