you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
