Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
