ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize