Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
