porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I had to cum in my sink.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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