So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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