its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
