man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Small penises have feelings too.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
