shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
