We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Randomize
