Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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