I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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