there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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