I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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