Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize