My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
