As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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