Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
