look no pants
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize