im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize