Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
is it fun? or sober?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
