Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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