My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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