Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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