Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
