Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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