How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
