chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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