Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
