I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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