Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
