JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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