Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
