My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
farters have to be the big spoon...
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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