somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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