All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize