I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Randomize
