you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
