a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
