bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
