You don't have asthma, your pregnant
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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