Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Randomize
