I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
