Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
