"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
The struggles of a small town man whore
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
