My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
