Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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