I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
