Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
