everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
