watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
