i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I just want to make out with him forever
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
