thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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