So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
