rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
